Bao Revisited

There has been some degree of controversy around this post. To clear things up, I would like to introduce The Skeptic.

Pastry Analyst 1: i did bao

The Skeptic: you've never even had bao

Pastry Analyst 1: so?

The Skeptic: so what do you know about bao?

Pastry Analyst 1: i saw a picture. i wrote a very informed blog post

The Skeptic: you know nothing of its texture, its taste. it's like reading a review of a movie and then writing a review of the movie based on that

also, you make another assumption about the flakiness

what do you know about its flakiness? you've never had one

it flakes, just in a different way than, say, a croissant

it flakes. its sweet.

Pastry Analyst 1: its pork

The Skeptic: you're confusing flaky with crunchy

Pastry Analyst 1: pork is savory

The Skeptic: bbq pork

Pastry Analyst 1: its not flaky

The Skeptic: bbq is sweet

it flakes

it doesn't crunch

Pastry Analyst 1: it crumbles

The Skeptic: it doesn't crumble

croissant crumbles

your worldview crumbles

Pastry Analyst 1: croissant flakes

The Skeptic: bao doesn't crumble

Pastry Analyst 1 : your mother flakes!!!!

The Skeptic: you should probably just have this conversation be your bao post on your blog

Cheese Danish

Dear Loyal Readers,

I apologize for the lull in posts. The culprit: a particularly odious cheese danish.

Normally, I am a clear advocate for pastries and potential pastries everywhere. I am staunchly pro-pastry. However, the cheese danish has betrayed my trust.

One morning a week ago, I went to a local bakery to buy some breakfast goods. I really wanted one of those Dominican fried savory cheese pockets, so I naively pointed at a square-croissant looking thing and asked, "Does this have cheese?"

"Yes," she replied, and then my fate was sealed.

It did have cheese. Sort of like rotten over-sweet cheesecake mushed inside a sticky croissant facade. Was it a pastry? Arguably. It was (apparently) intended as a breakfast food, it flaked, it was sweet. And aren't danishes the pastry centerpiece of the Continental Breakfast?

The morning ended with me picking out gelatinous cheese filling on a subway platform so I could eat the croissant shell, as passerby watched in abject horror and disgust.

Is this what we've come to, pastry?